just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
