It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
