Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
