i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
