At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
