apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
