Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
