I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
