and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
