you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
