I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
