i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
