He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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