Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
