I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
