I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
