I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
