I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
