Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
