My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
