so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
