I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
