Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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