He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize