Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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