I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
even my farts smell like vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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