Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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