You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's always time for handjobs
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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