I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The Olympian is in my bed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
