i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
