when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
