too bad you live with your parents still
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
