Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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