'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
