Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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