so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
