One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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