i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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