Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
