no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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