I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
