when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
