You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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