You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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