dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
