I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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