dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
