I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
