I wish I could teleport
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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