before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Mom said you looked used
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
