He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize