How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
