Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
