When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
