so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
