I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
