All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
