he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
