would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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