I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
