Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
