Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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