I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In America we eat man semen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I came so hard my ears popped.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
