Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
