Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
