I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
honey bunches of taint.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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